I don’t want to take any meds today.
I shouldn’t need them… it’s just sleep.
I want to drink…
but I can’t
9PM
It’s time to sleep. I tell myself
Yet nothing comes.
It’s time to sleep. I tell myself
Pulling the covers over my shoulders,
Turning off the tv and leaving the phone to charge.
It’s time to sleep.
12AM
My eyes are open, wondering
Why haven’t I fallen asleep yet?
I get up, grab some water and ponder.
I need more darkness, I say to myself
Yes. Darkness.
I need the blanket of nothingness yet immensely heavy on me
to cocoon me through this restless night
3AM
I still haven’t slept. I feel the mania coming on.
I’m going crazy.
The frustrations are rolling off my body,
acting as a furness,
heating my body. Hot. Angry.
The mania makes me envision other lives; what could have been, the lost loved that were made right, the what if’s….
what if he hadn’t….
All the what if’s
No.
A different life of mine flashes before me.
And envisioned life I’ve seen before
Only in my waking dreams.
It’s not real. Lie.
I have so much to do tomorrow.
So much.
I need to sleep.
It’s bed time.
5AM
I have given up. It will not happen tonight.
Not everyone wins in this world.
Why. Why can’t I sleep. All I want to do is close my eyes and rest. Maybe even dream happy dreams….
8AM
My nights are sleepless. Always and forever.
Stories I Will Never Tell 